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the sadness and melancholia are slowly dissolving, thank goodness. now it’s just plain old & boring life to get moving. whenever a down spiral is (apparently) ‘over’, i start making a lot of plans to take better care of myself. rinse & repeat. but it’s a kind of exciting stage, even if i will only put small parts of it into practice. slow steps, always.

  • i am coming to terms that i rarely spend money on myself – treat yo self will be my mantra from now on. and since the second semester i will have a bit more money, i plan on investing on clothes and things for my house. i think the last time i bought something for myself that wasn’t a t-shirt was years ago, honestly. it’s always a hassle to try it on and not fit, sometimes i feel an empty feeling right after spending, etc. there’s a lot of planning involved when buying clothes, anxiety wise.
  • tried boxing last week. overall i enjoyed it and i was surprise by how kind and courteous all the guys there were. however, i don’t feel it’s for me. still on the look out for some exercise that will give me a good feeling. thought about buying a nice bike to come to work, still figuring out the pros and cons on that.
  • the weekend with my parents was enjoyable, but not really profound. maybe i was the one avoiding the big talks. divorce was mentioned by them, individually, when having a conversation with me. that surprised me a bit, i tried as i could to take a stand on how crazy that sounds and how they have a lot of issues to process together and by themselves first before taking this kind of decision. alas, things remain.
  • still not writing as much as i want to, but killing old & bad habits slowly. 10 days (and counting) without posting on tumblr, but it’s making me good. may go back after a 30 day period. continue on not wasting time online after 8pm and it improved my sleep and my well being overall.
  • level of disposition to get up in the morning: 7 out of 10
  • level of curiosity about life and doing things: 6 out of 10
  • level of excitement over the possibility of a vita sackville-west & virginia woolf biopic: 10/10
  • level of still thinking about you: 8 out of 10
  • level of annoyance that Frank Ocean still hasn’t released his album: 10 out of 10
  • level of patience and dedication with myself: 6 out of 10
In the night there is something wild I feel it, it’s leaving me

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