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i get drunk easier now. two beers and i’m already tipsy. makes me hyper aware of what my next step will be. jenny slate has already said it for me.

and then yesterday i had two beers and talked about life. my friend asked me what’s the first thing i think about when i wake up. i might as well just curl up in a ball and cry at the mall. she reassures me i have nothing to be ashamed about. and yet.

i told her i can hardly wait for the moment she falls in love, because it will be fucking hilarious. she smiled and said it would be hard for her to admit it. i replied: i know. i bet i’ll realize it sooner than you. she said: i don’t doubt it. and it’s just those moments that make me feel super grateful for having interesting people in my life.

we talked about weddings. two friends are a sure bet on getting married soon. i said she would probably be bridesmaid for both of them. she hasn’t kissed anyone in a while. i haven’t thought about kissing anyone. except.

except there’s nothing left to do, nothing left to say.

it will be hard but i’ll try to focus on this immediate future where i might change the city i live in, the house i’ll go to, the job i have. perhaps, even, the person i am.

listening while writing: Elliott Smith & Mary Lou Lord – Birthday Boy (Ween Cover)

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