The idea that I must meet arbitrary requirements caught fire from my clear recognition that I was very small and powerless; and it coalesced into the fear that if I failed to meet these mysterious requirements I would be abandoned. (Anne Truitt)
we met in front of the theater and she was waiting there already, which made me smile because right then I realized that, although I am always expecting people to cancel on me, being my birthday or not, she was not included in those people. we hugged and talked about work and how our day was going so far.
she flat out asked me: what’s with the ring? I chuckled, embarrassed, because that’s my go to route about the subject. I explained that it’s something I have to do. I just wear it, there is no reason to it. there is, because there always is, but not one that I am satisfied with, anyway. I said: it’s a reminder.
and she said: you know what? maybe it’s a virgos thing. my sister is just like that. this weekend she was listening to the top 20 saddest songs or something during our trip coming back and i saw no reason to do that with yourself. and I didn’t quite understand at the moment, but now thinking about it, I think this comment made me feel okay. it was her way of saying it: I don’t know what you are doing right now and it probably makes zero sense, but here’s a similar behavior that will make you feel less alone in that.
I laughed and said: yeah. it’s probably a virgo thing. sometimes I am in pain and I just add a little more to it, telling myself that I am compensating for some other sad moment that will arise god knows when. you know what I mean?
she said she didn’t, but that’s not the point. because she listened anyway.
listening while writing: Death Cab For Cutie – Someday You Will Be Loved