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I woke up thinking about happy endings. and couples making up. seeing each other after years. I honestly don’t know if this is making me feel better or not. but this made me start thinking about a bunch of other stuff. mainly, about culture and how it influences us about life expectations. and how funny it is when pop culture references itself and the damage it does. two specific examples come to mind:

High Fidelity (2000)

500 Days of Summer (2009)

(it’s sort of ironic that the two examples I chose are straight white males) however there are different types of tropes about happiness – they are in pop culture, but they are everywhere else, too, old literature (fairy tales, for example), etc. and when I started paying more attention to these ideas of fulfillment and what (apparently) everyone wants in life (love, sense of stability, trust, a family or your own group that accepts you) via the messages that art/pop culture are sending, it was clearer to me the concept of collective unconscious. at the moment, I know very little about it, but I am very curious – I know what it is, but not so much about how it works. and I know myself enough to understand that when I get curious, I go all in*

so when I feel this weird feeling inside, reading about the collective unconscious helps. because hearing in therapy that everyone has an inner wish to be saved – the princess is waiting for the prince in the white horse; love finds a way; things are meant to be – I feel less bad about myself and how sometimes I just want to stay in bed and still get rewarded/reassured/recognized. I feel somewhat okay about the apathetic phase I am in. This concept also helps when I feel completely alone, because in therapy I’ve also learned that all humans carry with them a sense of abandonment that cannot be explained:

Since the child figure represents a moving towards psychic independence, the symbol of abandonment is a necessary precondition for the detachment of the child motif from its origins. The symbol of the child anticipates a new higher state of consciousness which may remain only a mythological projection if it is not actually integrated in the being of the individual. (Source)

it can be comprehended and, with a lot of work, controlled so that it does not control you, but it never goes away. and I believe, from what I’ve read, that it is the same thing with other emotions that we have all our life.

so when understanding this, which still needs to be done, there is also the process of individuation (a more complex thing to achieve). when I think individuation related to the collective unconscious, I feel it’s something like understanding what has been here before and what is expected of me/everyone and knowing that you cannot run away from it (the sense of abandonment, the idea of happiness, the search for the sacred and what matters), but also that you are the hero of your own story (which itself is another concept that comes from archetypes) and the more power (a.k.a. knowledge) you have, the more prepared you are to face adversities that come your way.

there are also two other things I’ve thought about all of this:

  • the things that appear in your life are there for a reason; facing them must be done, because the same thing will appear again, even if in a different disguise.
  • there are people in your life that sometimes do things that are the complete opposite of what you do. and then one day, you realize that although doing it differently, they do want the same thing, the same result in the end. so the both of you complete a circle of opposites; a balanced alchemical process of a whole.

and perhaps this is exactly why they were brought to your life. to know there are opposites; to understand different points of view. to realize your opposite is also inside of yourself; to embrace all sides of yourself.

*I don’t feel like this essay, which is categorized as brief and random, can ever get through some of the deep concepts I mention here, however it’s a start for me to organize ideas out of my head.

listening while writing: The Shins – Strange Powers (The Magnetic Fields cover)