que o ano do cavalo, meu signo, traga mais leveza. peço a todos os deuses, amém.
ao som de: Pure Bathing Culture – Wildest Moments
there was not much I could do. my parents had thrown away some photographs and most of my childish notes & crafts. my childhood now can only be accessed by my own memory. and I sometimes don’t feel like it’s a good thing, because I can edit it however I want it. there’s not even the other person that spent childhood with me anymore. I can make up cute stories – my parents wouldn’t remind it anyway. they tell the same ones again and again, and it’s rarely one that features just me. I think all these things influenced me. It’s dangerous and I don’t trust myself with narratives.
here are some facts:
– I can never remember a story fully – wheter you are telling me or I am telling you.
– often when telling a story, I feel like I might be downplaying emotions and feelings, or even worse, overplaying them. To the point that I doubt being truthful and having any empathy whatsover.
– I’d rather concentrate on what I felt instead of what the person said to me, or else I keep thinking if I am changing the story (if it’s my narrative, what I felt/interpreted is maybe more important than what the other person has said to me?).
the funny thing is that there’s nothing on earth I love more than narratives. It fascinates me to know different types; how to play with them; how to present them in art form. Real life narratives, the ones I studied to understand and write about; the ones I live everyday, however, are the ones I am least capable of dealing with.
listening while writing: The Strokes – I’ll Try Anything Once
I don’t live in a world where unattainable is possible. Whatever your goal is, every art piece you’ve encountered in your life has not only been contributing for you, but is also saying: you can do it too. And I mean that not just for those of us trying to do art, but to all of us who are surviving (a.k.a. are alive).
Because whether you need money to get out of there or you need to find another job or quit altogether or think how you will pay for food next week or simply talk to another person, the solution to all of those things take time. And investing that time (from hours to years) into art is what will bring the answer.
If you put something out in the world, be vulnerable and broken and expose, but above all sincere, the world answers back with what you didn’t even know you were in lack of and you forget what you were even asking in the first place. Everything gets bigger and it matters.
listening while writing: Portishead – It Could Be Sweet
After having a blowback about pretty much everything I imagined would change in 2014 a few days before the year had even started, I decided to take the reflection approach. I don’t like the word “resolutions” very much, and this article explains it better than I ever will, so I decided on thinking about things I’d like to add in my life, based mostly on the value it would add to my personal growth. Of course there are many things that could fulfill this purpose, but I wanted something beyond the “read more, eat healthy” default (even though they are very important and necessary already), which basically means thinking about how I can get a more calm life and how I spend my time. here’s what I came up with:
– decrease internet use at home (go do art instead)
– go sleep earlier (23:30h tops) and wake up earlier also (6:30h tops)
– save money (ask myself questions like: “do I really need this?” & “is it a rush buy?” more often)
– write more about my feelings & thoughts, especially when angry/sad/apathetic
– think about what job/work would fulfill me – and how to get there
– go out on walks
listening while writing: Yo La Tengo – I’ll Be Around