I’ve been limiting myself on happiness. Like I didn’t want all of it to go away. I took small doses and kept telling: it will do, you don’t need more. Or, even worse, that there wasn’t any more available to me.
And now things are improving. Like, there’s an actual sense that there’s no limit on happiness, as long as I keep myself open to it. I am responsible for what I do and I can deal with what is done to me.
I still think both ideas are scary. But, for once, I also find them a necessary fear. The trick is to let it be so inherent, that most times you don’t even notice it – like breathing.
Can you not notice, but also be aware? I think so. Noticing means giving attention. Being aware is subtler – just like my idea of happiness.
listening while writing: Frou Frou – Let’s Go